What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i dont even know how to be here
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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