4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize