he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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