Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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