im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
