im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
