I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
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FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
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I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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