is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
