Your tits are I can't wait for
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
