he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
