Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
