god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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