You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
