life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just google imaged poop.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
