Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My life is pants optional.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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