I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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