Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize