does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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