And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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