He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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