I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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