How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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