dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
