I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
