How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
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Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
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I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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