I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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