I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
