first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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