I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am puke
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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