In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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