so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
