i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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