u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
