And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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