Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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