carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
