Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
