Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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