It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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