Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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