is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
