don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
