i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
