I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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