so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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