I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
