Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
