I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
