Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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