Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
