Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize