I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
