My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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