if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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