we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
