So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
