What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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