I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
